This is Me. :D

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Letter to Montague

My Montague,

Let's just say that I always see the good in people -- that tiny speck of goodness left in their hearts.

A lot of people think I'm crazy. A lot of people perceive me as a little girl, trying to save those who are not worth saving, but I didn't care. But what did you repay me? A little kindness but a ton of shit.

You are the reason why I lost all hope in mankind. You are the living proof that there really is no room for change. In Tagalog , "Ganyan ka na lang". No matter how hard I help you, if you are not willing to do this for yourself, you will be forever stuck in that bunch of crap you have created. I've had enough of your inconsistencies. You are the exception, I cannot fight for you anymore.

Sometimes, quiting, surrendering, losing faith in someone may not be the best decision but it is the right thing to do.

You're on your own. I wish you the best.


Friday, November 26, 2010

Sylvia Plath's - Poppies in October

This is perhaps one of the most beautiful Plath poems I've ever read. You can easily connect to her writing. Oh how I love Sylvia Plath.
Even the sun-clouds this morning cannot manage such skirts.

Nor the woman in the ambulance

Whose red heart blooms through her coat so astoundingly ----A gift, a love gift

Utterly unasked for

By a skyPalely and flamily

Igniting its carbon monoxides, by eyes

Dulled to a halt under bowlers.O my God, what am I

That these late mouths should cry open

In a forest of frost, in a dawn of cornflowers.

Excuse me, Montague.. It's Plath's reign once again.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Nadezhda, Nadezda... Krupskaya, Melencio...

There is no such thing as duty. If you know that a thing is right, you want to do it. If you don't want to do it—it isn't right. If it's right and you don't want to do it—you don't know what right is and you're not a man.

Chapter 6 of Ayn Rand's We The Living

I just remembered my Philosophy of Man class.
My professor once asked me, "What is the difference between man and being?"
I forgot what I answered. At that time though, it was the right one but if you ask me now, I don't know if I'll answer based on knowledge alone or from experience. Bah! What am I talking about?

Let's get back to the topic, so... Ayn Rand is right. If you know it's right, then do it! If you know it's wrong, why would you do it anyway? On the other hand, if it is right and you still don't want to do it, you have a problem buddy!

Ayn Rand
Boris Pasternak
Leo Tolstoy, etc etc. 
I love Russian novelists! <3

Of course, there are other Russian personalities that I also admire such as 

Vladimir Lenin

 and wife Nadezhda Kruskaya. (Yes, my name Lara Nadezda is derived from Nadezhda herself)

Wow, I am deeply inclined with Russian literature and Russian history. No wonder I want to take up European Studies next year. :)

My greatest dream? To win either a Nobel Peace Prize or a Pulitzer Prize. Any will do but I'd be as happy as hell if I get both. Wait, can a non-American win a Pulitzer?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I have seen "BITTER" days... and Nights!

Reps to all the people I saw last night at Cubao X! The crowd never ceases to amaze me.. There's always something in Cubao X that will surprise you. Well, then again, it just might be the people, the conversation, the events or the alcohol.

Last night was a different story. Since, this blog was really made for unrequited love and star-crossed lovers, there ought to be just a tiny inch of negativity. Okay, so it was a bitter night -- far much bitter than the rest. I am trying to write this amidst the hangover so please forgive the scattered thoughts. Anyway, I am depressed --- BIGTIME and I don't know why. This actually sucks the life out of me. Is this maturity calling? Is it my heart bleeding? Bah! I don't really know.

Despite the fact that I am kind of "over the edge" right now, I am not bitter. At least that's the one thing I know I am not. See, my friends and I had a long chat about bitterness, about their exes and stuff. The result --- it feeds on my depression.

For all those BITTER sour-grapes out there, you have to.....

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

“You're invited to tons of parties, and you'll wear these shoes and that dress, and it can be enticing, but I think it also sucks you dry. If you do it a little, sure, it's fun, but too much and you start to lose your footing.”

Monday, November 8, 2010

10 Things. Just 10 Things.

I need a boyfriend. Want to apply? Please send your CVs to

  1. Pleasing personality.
  2. Has to have any background in the field of arts (writing, painting, music, fashion, poetry or literature). Just one will do.
  3. Preferably someone with long hair (okay so long-haired guys are my weakness but it doesn't really matter. It's just a plus factor)
  4. Someone who is not a commitment phobe.
  5. Doesn't like complications.
  6. Preferably someone who doesn't have any vices like smoking, drinking, drugs, etc.
  7. Only drinks occasionally.
  8. Can be a smoker but definitely not an alcoholic.
  9. Shares the same passion about helping people.
  10. Someone who is consistent.
See. I'm not so picky after all. :))
For those of you who think this is not a joke, you can send your CVs to or you can text me. My number is at the top left portion of this blog.
For those of you who think this is a joke, well yeah I'm just doing this for fun but "Jokes are half meant anyway". Haha

>>I've got to find another Montague

Friday, November 5, 2010

Halloween Party... Meiday! Meiday!

Late post. These pics are found on my fb page anyway.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


Ok, so I totally made up this event. I was so drunk and wasted last Saturday and it was a disaster! I never want to drink again. Well, at least not that many. 

I decided to come up with an event entitled "SOBER SATURDAYS"!! Here are the details.

  1. Sober Saturdays happens every other Saturday of the month which means I can only drink 2 times a month for a healthy liver and less humiliation or whatsoever.
  2. This is the time that I bond with my friends. Instead of wasting money on loads of beer, I'll just shop, dine, play, watch a movie and have coffee.
  3. I'm starting up a new org/group (part of my reinvention) so I can be busy and not think of parties or alcohol.
  4. I'll be taking extra load of work so that I won't have any excuse to drink after work.
  5. I just grew up. I'm 22 and what have I accomplished? This is part of me redeeming myself, of me establishing myself. Leave the partying and the drinking to the teens.

This will be a hellish week but I can do this! Care to join me? Let's get sober!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Improvisation, What The?

So here we go again. Writing. Wow, I miss the days I miss writing. A bit weird eh?

Lets talk about improvement. Ok, so I'm now back. I've been working for more than a week now and it feels good. This is my own personal workplace..

Let's see if I can remain sober for a few days. Let's see if I can just sit and relax at home for a couple of days.
Let's see if I can come up with improvements about stuff and shit. Let's see if I can still put up with his BS. 

This was taken before I was admitted at the hospital. Can you see the bruise?

This is the MRI results. See, it's negative. No blood clots or whatever.

In terms of health, I have improved a lot.
In terms of wealth, well I still need to work extra hard to keep the cash flowing.
In terms of personal stuff, it will be okay somehow. I hope. Haha

"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise.  The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."  ~Sylvia Plath

>> I've been waiting for months now, Montague...

Monday, October 25, 2010

Then she came, The Psycho Bitch...

My best friend visited me last night. We haven't seen each other in a while now and we had a nice long talk over coke (I mean soda) and cigarettes. We talked about virtually anything from love, life, stoners, junkies and psychos. The list goes on and on. Then, I got to watch this creepy, disturbing, violent film called "The Loved Ones" which is about a psycho bitch and a twisted father. It was a weird night, I tell you. Of course, we gave a bit of advice to each other. We really needed time to think about our lives, our choices and stuff. 

After a few jokes, music stuff and venting out, we talked about pseudo-relationships, which boils down to just one topic: commitment. Why are some people afraid of commitment? Why are some people afraid to take risks? Why do some people like to play it safe?

You see, the real essence of loving a person is committing yourself wholeheartedly. No pretensions and complicated stuff. The main point is to take risks. To experience life together. To laugh, to cry, to hate and to laugh again. That's the way love is.

The presence of commitment phobes are the ones who created these psycho bitches. So when your girlfriend turns psycho over you, you're really the one to blame. I think, women are more superior and more talented than men that's why they tend to adapt, to cope. 

Montague, I'm not sure if I can still be your Capulet...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

To Commit or Not To Commit?

To Commit or Not To Commit? This question had been lingering my mind now for days. Commitment can be a lot of things. What kind of commitment am I talking about anyway? It can be about work, about having a stable job, about God, about love, about someone special in your life right now. Whether they are about any of these things, the question still remains... "To Commit or Not To Commit"?

I read a book entitled The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. One of my favorite lines there was the distinction between "Freedom from and Freedom to."  According to the book, during the days of anarchy, we are rewarded with "Freedom to"... freedom to love, freedom to hate, freedom to oppress and the like. But with the advent of the new government and religion (You should read the book. It's great!), the people had been rewarded with "Freedom from"... freedom from love, freedom from hate, freedom from oppression and the like. So which is better? Freedom from or Freedom to? I would choose the latter.

Back to the commitment thing. When is the right time to commit yourself? When is the right time not to commit? How can you choose whether to commit or not? Who gets to choose? I'll answer the last question, "I do --- and you do too".

Lots of thoughts, more ideas.

No matter what this leads, I'll always be your Capulet.., my Montague...

Monday, October 18, 2010

Back to My Old Life... Back to Writing!

Yes,  Lara Nadezda is officially signing on and would never sign out ever, ever again! I'm back guys whether you like it or not! I'm so effin' happy with my life right now I wanna cry. Being a tech support rep wasn't really my thing. It was a fun experience though but writing is my passion. Writing is my Montague. Writing is my world. For me, writing is like breathing fresh air (before climate change/ effects of global warming). All these string of thoughts are so overwhelming!

I promise to constantly update this blog. I would do whatever it takes to write meaningful things, share my innermost thoughts and express my feelings. Wow, I really missed writing!

What do you say about HALLOWEEN COSTUMES? I will attend a Halloween party on the 30th followed by a mask off (Halloween party without the costume). Sounds exciting right? Any ideas? Feel free to comment. Let's get started.

On the other hand, I am currently looking for an available streaming or download of the movie LOVELY,STILL... Just watched the trailer and can't wait to watch the real thing! Please give me links. It will be greatly appreciated. After this, I will write a very interesting movie review which, I assure all of you, is a must read!

Let's get it on!

Yes Montague, I'll always be your Capulet.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

What happened to me?

I was supposed to write about something that defines me as a person, as a writer, as a poet but not a single idea has passed by tiny brain.

What happened to me?

Is this what you call a writer's block? ha-ha.. A began to think about a Johnny Depp movie. Have you guys heard of the "Secret Window"..

What happened to me?

It's like everytime I go to work, 1 brain cell dies.

What happened to me?

Sunday, July 11, 2010


Experimenting with shades and stuff..

Sunday, June 27, 2010


so so proud of my new ink..
Photo c/o my colleague and expert Sony Alpha Cam photographer - Ronee!!!

This was taken during our team outing in Tagaytay..

Love the effect here.. I was wearing a racer-back undergarment which is why you can clearly see the X mark and of course it was so hot there you can already see my pores. Haha! This is what you get with a 20++ megapixel camera..

I got a addicted to tattoos.. Will add another one soon.. :))

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


You don't have to prove anything..
I already know you're full of crap.
The thing is, I keep on putting up with your shit anyway.
WTF? I'm so fed up. This is the last time, swear!


These aren't my pictures.

Just got them off the Internet...

I haven't bought a lomo cam yet but I just thought I'd share these to you guys...

I'm buying a lomo cam next payday! That's a promise! :))

Saturday, June 12, 2010

At Long Last...

Hi guys! It's so nice to be back on track.. Been busy with work.. I hope you understand... Ugh I'm soo stressed out! With almost 2 months of going sabbatical, I only attended 1 party/exhibit.. It was nice. It was wild and it was the happiest party I've ever attended. LOL.

Below is an art work by famous fashion artists at Cubao Expo.

I call it ART!!

Oh and by the way, I don't have any unrequited love/star crossed lovers story right now. I mean, I don't even have a boyfriend! Yes, I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. It was a long story due to the complicatedness of life (complicatedness?? Is that a word?). So, I am single, happy and proud!

So, I wasn't able to go out last night. I was supposed to drink and party but I woke up at around 1am and I was too lazy to get up and get dressed. Of course I love my new job even if it sometimes gets a bit irritating and tiring. I also love writing. My passion for writing never ceased. Moreover, I still love drinking but with my hectic schedule, drinking and partying may sometimes be impossible. So here I am, writing about stuff I miss. Oh man, I really miss my old life. On the bright side, at least my liver is far from danger and my pocket is still full of cash! Ahahaha!

In terms of music, I forgot to write about Club 8's concert. As usual, because of my work which keeps me away from the social scene, I was not informed about their concert. I just saw the poster at Club Dredd in Eastwood while I was having breakfast. I miss club 8's music.. I miss indie pop!!!

Club 8

My favorite Club 8 songs -- Heaven and Whatever You Want

Here is a video of HEAVEN


Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Most Disturbing Book I Have Ever Read

Reading Haven Kimmel's Iodine.... Haven't finished it yet but it sure is super exciting! :)))


Wednesday, March 17, 2010


This blog needs positivity...
So there. Happy.
A happy couple..

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Last Leg of the World Pyro Olympics...

Okay so me and my best friend went to the Mall of Asia last Sunday to watch the fireworks display of the USA and the Philippines. As usual, we were not able to get there in time so I don't have any pictures of the 1st performer. Good thing I was able to capture the Philippines' fireworks exhibition. It was goooooddd... sooo good... :)

Confessions of a Problem Child

If you have a problem with that, then you must have ISSUES too...
Therefore, we're equal. 

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Para Maiba Naman...

Sa dami ng sinulat ko sa blog na ito, ngayon pa lang ako magsusulat sa Tagalog... Oo, sa ka-una unahang pagkakataon pipilitin kong magsulat ng purong Tagalog. Naks! Nagkaroon ako ng inspirasyon na magsulat gamit ang aking sariling wika dahil sa pelikulang "Miss You Like Crazy". Ito ay ginanapan ng tambalang Bea Alonzo at John Lloyd Cruz. Napakaganda ng pelikulang ito lalung lalo na ang mga katagang sinabi ng mga gumanap dito. Gustong gusto ko kung paano nila isinalarawan kung bakit ang pag-ibig ay tunay na "walang pinipiling panahon at oras" at "ang lahat ay makikiayon pag dating ng tamang panahon." Grabe, ang hirap pala magsulat ng purong tagalog. Heto ang ilan sa mga di malimutang linya o kataga mula sa pelikula.

1. "Laging mali ang timing namin... Time was never our friend..." - John Lloyd
2.  "Time is meaningless when you're in love".. - Lolo Yuli
3. "Ito ang mundo ko -- old, musty, falling apart." - John Lloyd

Marami pa sana akong ilalagay pero hindi ko na maalala yung ibang linya. Ahaha! Hintayin natin ang DVD niya para mas maisulat ko. Ahaha... Gustong gusto ko yung eksena na sinasabi ni bea na after 2 years ay babalik si John Lloyd para guluhin lang ang buhay niya at yung pagsabi niya ng "Eh Putangina Mo!".... ahaha... Wala na akong masabi... Mahirap magsulat sa Tagalog, yun lang.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Now Hiring!!!

For those who want to apply for a full-time/part-time homebased web content writer position under Grayscale, you can submit your CVs through . For the referral ID, put in 0006. Compensation is good. The rates depend on the account.


Bitterness... :)

Love the video, love the song, love Lily Allen!!!
This is for all the bitter, heart broken emo people out there.. :)

I can't embed the video though, just click here to watch it on YouTube.. 

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Love Quotes... Oh Those Lovely Love Quotes

Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough? 
Jerry: Never.

-The Mexican

When you said forever, you meant a few months. When I said forever, I meant every day until I died. When you said always, you meant until you couldn't handle it anymore. When I said always, I meant until time ended. When you said you loved me, you meant I was no different from any other girl. When I said I loved you, I meant I had never felt what I felt for you.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Directions to Utopia, please!

Oh dear Lord, take away all this drama!!
Please bring me to Utopia
where I'll find peace! 
I've always been a happy person, but ever since I met him (I am not referring to the person I was referring to in my old posts. In short, this "him" is another person, hypothetically speaking.) (please read my disclaimer). Okay, so where were we? Eversince I met him, I've sort of stumbled into an emotional roller coaster ride. I call it BV (Bad Vibes). I call it DRAMA. I am so sick and tired off this crap. I just want every ounce of negativity to go away. Please take me to a 'happy place" where I am free to love anyone I choose to be with and free to be loved by anyone who chooses to. I am not a cynic. Dark energies aren't made for me. It just isn't.

Even if You're Not My Montague.....

I am not your Juliet Capulet either.
Serves us right!!!

Monday, February 8, 2010

My personal definition of Emotional Rollercoaster


A term used to describe a downward spiral-like type or of feeling. Just like a roller coaster, it's fun and exciting with the 1st few rides -- but makes you sick to your stomach when you've had enough... 

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Writing about Climate Variability/Climate Change

I am so happy today. I had the chance to write about something worthwhile.. What else but Climate Change!!! It's work so I don't have the right to post it in here.. but wait --- I will try to write my blog version of the United Nation's Stand on Climate Change when I have the time. I still have a dozen articles to write for today... IMY guys!! Give me inspiration!

Lots of Love and Kisses,
LAI :)

Monday, February 1, 2010

Little Miss Series...

Got this photo from here.... CLICK ME

I am so gonna buy this shirt.
For more LITTLE MISS shirt designs, just click on the link above... OK? Ta-ta!

Past Tense

This is for him (I am referring to the person I was referring to in my first few stories here in my blog).  I don't usually tell all the actual details especially when I'm writing about my own "UNREQUITED LOVE// STAR-CROSSED LOVERS" story but these are so poetic. So, I'd like to share them with you guys...

DISCLAIMER: All the persons I was, am and will be referring to in this blog may or may not exist. It can be a mere figment of my imagination or it can be a real person. Hypothetically speaking, I will never disclose the real name of the persons (if and only if they are indeed real) due to reasons that are too many to think of. 

No matter what you say,
No matter what you do,
No matter what happens,
You're still MINE
and I'm still YOURS...
^^Yup, that was my first text message. It's entertaining, really. You see, it's sort of like a "jinx". No matter what he says, no matter what he does and no matter what happens, he can't change the fact that we belong together... Feeler... Ha ha!! 

I complicate your life. You complicate mine too. So let's complicate life together. It's better to experience all the ups and downs of life with someone rather than being alone. Ahahaha... (Tagalog: Pagpasensiyahan mo na ko) (Translation: Forgive my blurting out) I just love the feeling of being in love with you.You were my best dream. Sadly, I woke up.Can you put me to sleep one more time? So I can continue dreaming of you...
 ^^My favorite!!! 

Yes, I made these quotes myself. As usual, I haven't received any reply. I wasn't expecting any either.
 I enjoy the feeling of constantly getting hurt.. Am I a masochist or something?? Or am I drawn to the wonderful illusion that amidst every rain is a rainbow?? Am I really that stupid?? Or is this what you call UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Between Montagues and Capulets

Juliet: RomeoRomeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
Romeo: [Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Juliet:'Tis but thy name that is my enemy:
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand nor foot,
Nor arm nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
and for thy name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself.
Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 33–49

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Feed my Empty Brain with BOOOOOKKKSSS...


Haven't seen the movie yet and I'd rather read the book first to experience the excitement, drama and imagination first-hand.

This book tells us the story of Veronika, a 24-year-old perfect girl who has everything in life but decides to kill herself. It is a story of inspiration that amidst all the darkness in life, we tend to see it in a lighter shade.

Veronika Decides to Die has been said to be based from the author's experiences in numerous mental institutions. It is focused on the concept of "madness".

Collective madness is called insanity.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Forever... Is it really FOR EVER??

"I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig-tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."

--- Sylvia Plath

I am now deleting my Xmas wishlist located on the bottom of this blog and reinventing it as MY FOREVER WISHLIST... I was deeply moved and captivated by Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar". It is truly an American Classic Novel. I missed reading. I missed literature. It appears as though my artistic side of the brain had been starved to death. But fret not my tiny little brain, for I will not abandon you. I will continue to feed you with thoughts, ideas and soon --- the creative juices will follow...

Feel free to take a look at my FOREVER WISHLIST just below the posts.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I just need a simple partner...



Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Finding a Perfect Love Story

I met this guy who poured his soul out. He told me a perfect tragedy. The one you only saw on movies.
It pains me..