This is Me. :D

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Dreams, Thoughts, Imaginings

copyright - Lara Nadezda P. Melencio


Are dreams triggered by the subconscious? Are dreams somewhat a vision – a glimpse perhaps, of the future? Will it matter if we believe in dream analysis?

I had a dream about him. It wasn’t a nightmare though I expected it to be one. It’s as pathetic as the first and second despite the fact that I don’t really remember the second dream. I’ve been dreaming about him for three times now which is odd, impossible and weird.

I never felt more concerned, more bothered at the thought. Sure, a first dream would be weird but acceptable. Maybe my subconscious mind has troubles accepting that I can’t be with him for a long time – well, considering the odds, maybe forever. A second dream would be enough to let me think of him for a night or so. It can be merely a coincidence. But a third dream? Surely this is bizarre. He was my boyfriend. “WAS” would be the perfect word since he’s just an ex. “JUST” is a bit of an understatement though, but I never really amounted anything to him or it. Sometimes, I regard him as “it” whenever I think about all those cold bloody things he’d ever done to me. Well, I’ve done my share of cruelty but he broke my heart which is of course, unforgivable. I wish I could say I also broke his heart. How could I break a heart if, from the very start, it was already broken? How can I add injury to a bitter, self-centered, pathetic loser he is? I am being bitter. I learned that from him.

He was, is and will be a vampire for me, sucking the life out of me. I seemed like a dead person for months, even years and up to now, I haven’t gained full recovery of what he did to me. I was as lifeless as any corpse in the planet. I was a zombie with just one exception – I can cry.

I feel like a silly little kid who believes in the power of dreams. It’s not the type of dreams we encounter at night. It’s more of a goal, aspiration in life and a happy ending like in a fairy tale. I should know better than that. Dreams do come true when you do something about it but I doubt that. I have done all I can to make the relationship strong enough. It turned out; he’s much too strong enough to push me away.

He is also a wizard though he really fits in the word “witch” if he’d been a girl. Which is it, the wicked witch or the power-hungry wizard? I would take the latter. Possessing cunning skills and narcissism, he is both a vampire and a wizard for me. You may regard me as someone too bitter, morbid and angry but I am not. I’m too numb neither to feel anything nor to think of something dark and cruel about him. I’m only stating a fact from my own perspective. He can contradict me all he wants but I have all the powers here. This is my story.

When I first started this essay, story or whatever you can call it, I was bewildered as to why I would even bother to dream of a person like him. I wasn’t thinking of him. I wasn’t planning of thinking about him in the future either. Then, it hit me. He broke my heart thrice. So, dreaming about him thrice isn’t as bizarre as I thought I was. But had I predicted right?


The first dream is as clear as the sun to me. It was a good thing I had relayed this story to some of my friends. Too bad I just kept the second dream to myself. I can’t remember any of it but it’s just the same as the first and the third.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Twilight Saga

I wasn't paid to advertise the book -- though, subconsciously, i wish i was! :)


What comes in your mind when you hear the word TWILIGHT?
Is it the movie? The book? The literal meaning? Some old memory?
I'm sure most of you will answer the first two and you are in fact correct.
Yes, I'm talking about the TWILIGHT MOVIE and BOOK...
Let's just say this is some kind of a movie review, personal opinion and my own recollection or whatever!


The movie is OK. It's not GREAT but definitely OK. To be honest, I watched the movie first before buying the book. How stupid! Well, due to "A LOT" of deadlines (I am a writer by the way), I wasn't up-to-date with the latest Bestsellers. I had to see the line "the best book after Harry Potter" in the movie trailer before I understood that it was a book. How stupid! So, what about the movie?

Well, the movie hadn't stayed truthful with the book. There had been a lot of negative comments about that. Some fans didn't really like Robert Pattinson as Edward. But let's face it, the movie is a success right? I mean, of course the cinematic crew had to change some scenes from the book. How would the movie look like if Bella and Edward had been talking for like 30 minutes straight? That s*cks, right? So, they put a lot of action and drama at the same time.

To wrap this up, I'm giving it a 7/10 rating..


No other word can explain what the book is except AMAZING! The book is a product of a genius! Sure, it's a typical teenage love story but-- i have to admit -- it is the best! It isn't a story of UNREQUITED LOVE so it doesn't fit in my blog but it's all about Forbidden Love! I get excited whenever I hear the word "Forbidden"! Oooh... Deadly sins! Anyway, I just read the first book. The second book, NEW MOON, is almost finished (audio book because all the books were sold out! OUCH) The third installment for this 4-book saga is in my bookshelf waiting to be read. The fourth book? Nothing! Na-a. Na-da. Zero! Have to buy whenever there's stock!!!

Anyway, let's focus on only TWILIGHT. .
I envy Bella. I envy Isabella Marie Swan in every single detail. I want to be her. I envy her for having Edward. Edward is so sweet and charming and sweet and charming and sweet (oh, sorry.. got carried away). But he's really swee-- you know the rest. I envy the author, Stephenie Meyer. I envy her for she created a different kind of world - a world where I have lingered on ever since. I know it's ridiculous, but I am hoping that well, some parts of the book are true and that it can really happen. OH MY! Stephenie Meyer is really a talented writer. The book is SUPERB!!!

15 oranges for you Stephenie Meyer! Your my favorite author (Well, aside from JK Rowling, Margaret Atwood and Paulo Coelho)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Quotes to Ponder On

They're not really quotes so bear with me... :)

Actually, they're like cheesy one-liners..

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

If he really wants me in his life, he'll do everything to put me there.

There is no remedy for love other than to love more.

Oh I love the irony... Really!

Do you have any ideas? Feel free contact me... Since I'm new here I still don't know how to put the comments sections (if there is any). Please, help! :)

Story of Him Part 1

Forgive the title. I can't think of any appropriate title at the moment. I'll just change it later.

First off, I'm a girl. (No, not exactly) I'm a lady. (That's better)

I met this typically "cute" guy in Manila. This happened 4 years ago. Yes, it's been so long yet it feels like yesterday. I can still remember the good times. Sadly, they're all just memories now. I've tried to move on but there's always this small spot that belongs to him. There's a small spot in my heart that solely belongs to him. No matter what I do, I can't wipe it clean. Yes, I'm still in love with him. It's not that I haven't tried to make things right. I have tried dozens of times and I failed. Now, let me tell you his story.

My friends and I always go to Manila once a week. It's a sort of weekly get-together. It's fun and exciting. We always get to meet new people. I met him from a common friend. He's quiet and mysterious, exactly my type. I did not really bother to get to know him for my heart belongs to someone else back then. After a week, we saw each other again. I was pretty wasted that time but I didn't really care. I was high! What will I care about? What started as very embarrassing moment turned out to be a very good friendship. We became close friends. He started sending me text messages the next day. We also started talking for long periods on the phone. We were like best friends. He's just the right friend I needed to forget about my problems.

Then one Thursday night, I felt something about him -- something I can't explain, something I can't understand, something that happens so fast. From then on, I knew I was in love with him.

I held my feelings all to myself. I don't want to lose our friendship. As a lady, I want him to be the first to do the move. So, I waited. I waited and waited hoping one day he'll see me in a whole new light. I wanted him to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, but it never came.

(to be continued)