Over Tears and Coffee

Quotes from goodreads.com. I did put extra emphasis on the ones I can relate to personally.


“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.” 
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

“Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you're headed” 
― Jodi Picoult

“There is no pretending", Jace said with absolute clarity."I love you,and I will love you until I die,and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."She caught her breath. He had said it-the words there was no going back from.” ― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

“He looked so lost, so soulful, so lonely. I wanted him to kiss me now. I wanted to let him know I was his for all eternity.” 
― Ellen Schreiber, Vampire Kisses

“They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.” 
― Henry Rollins

“When forever becomes a place...when forever ceases to be just a word… when it ceases to be just a measurement of time…but instead becomes a place where soul mates can dance to the song in their hearts, that is a reflection of true love.” ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“I've felt basically lucky ever since, almost every day of my life. That's something else love should make you feel. It should make you fell fortunate.
It will be made clear to you in a stray gesture, the line of a throat. Something in the hands. There may or may not be any music playing. But there will be a certain velocity of the spirit, a sensation of dropping through clear space unimpeded, and you think, This is the one. I found you.” 
― Suzanne Finnamore, The Zygote Chronicles

 “True love is taking the risk that it won't be a happily-ever-after. True love is joining hands with the man who loves you for who you are, and saying, "I'm not afraid to believe in you.” 
― Cara Lockwood, I Do (But I Don't)

“If it's possible to send a message from heaven, I'll get one to you.” ― Lurlene McDaniel, Don't Die, My Love

I have seen "BITTER" days... and Nights!

Reps to all the people I saw last night at Cubao X! The crowd never ceases to amaze me.. There's always something in Cubao X that will surprise you. Well, then again, it just might be the people, the conversation, the events or the alcohol.

Last night was a different story. Since, this blog was really made for unrequited love and star-crossed lovers, there ought to be just a tiny inch of negativity. Okay, so it was a bitter night -- far much bitter than the rest. I am trying to write this amidst the hangover so please forgive the scattered thoughts. Anyway, I am depressed --- BIGTIME and I don't know why. This actually sucks the life out of me. Is this maturity calling? Is it my heart bleeding? Bah! I don't really know.

Despite the fact that I am kind of "over the edge" right now, I am not bitter. At least that's the one thing I know I am not. See, my friends and I had a long chat about bitterness, about their exes and stuff. The result --- it feeds on my depression.

For all those BITTER sour-grapes out there, you have to.....

At Long Last...

Hi guys! It's so nice to be back on track.. Been busy with work.. I hope you understand... Ugh I'm soo stressed out! With almost 2 months of going sabbatical, I only attended 1 party/exhibit.. It was nice. It was wild and it was the happiest party I've ever attended. LOL.


Below is an art work by famous fashion artists at Cubao Expo.

I call it ART!!

Oh and by the way, I don't have any unrequited love/star crossed lovers story right now. I mean, I don't even have a boyfriend! Yes, I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. It was a long story due to the complicatedness of life (complicatedness?? Is that a word?). So, I am single, happy and proud!


So, I wasn't able to go out last night. I was supposed to drink and party but I woke up at around 1am and I was too lazy to get up and get dressed. Of course I love my new job even if it sometimes gets a bit irritating and tiring. I also love writing. My passion for writing never ceased. Moreover, I still love drinking but with my hectic schedule, drinking and partying may sometimes be impossible. So here I am, writing about stuff I miss. Oh man, I really miss my old life. On the bright side, at least my liver is far from danger and my pocket is still full of cash! Ahahaha!


In terms of music, I forgot to write about Club 8's concert. As usual, because of my work which keeps me away from the social scene, I was not informed about their concert. I just saw the poster at Club Dredd in Eastwood while I was having breakfast. I miss club 8's music.. I miss indie pop!!!


Club 8

My favorite Club 8 songs -- Heaven and Whatever You Want




Here is a video of HEAVEN





:))

Past Tense

This is for him (I am referring to the person I was referring to in my first few stories here in my blog).  I don't usually tell all the actual details especially when I'm writing about my own "UNREQUITED LOVE// STAR-CROSSED LOVERS" story but these are so poetic. So, I'd like to share them with you guys...


DISCLAIMER: All the persons I was, am and will be referring to in this blog may or may not exist. It can be a mere figment of my imagination or it can be a real person. Hypothetically speaking, I will never disclose the real name of the persons (if and only if they are indeed real) due to reasons that are too many to think of. 

No matter what you say,

No matter what you do,

No matter what happens,

You're still MINE

and I'm still YOURS...

^^Yup, that was my first text message. It's entertaining, really. You see, it's sort of like a "jinx". No matter what he says, no matter what he does and no matter what happens, he can't change the fact that we belong together... Feeler... Ha ha!! 

I complicate your life. You complicate mine too. So let's complicate life together. It's better to experience all the ups and downs of life with someone rather than being alone. Ahahaha... (Tagalog: Pagpasensiyahan mo na ko) (Translation: Forgive my blurting out) I just love the feeling of being in love with you.You were my best dream. Sadly, I woke up.Can you put me to sleep one more time? So I can continue dreaming of you...

 ^^My favorite!!! 

Yes, I made these quotes myself. As usual, I haven't received any reply. I wasn't expecting any either.
 I enjoy the feeling of constantly getting hurt.. Am I a masochist or something?? Or am I drawn to the wonderful illusion that amidst every rain is a rainbow?? Am I really that stupid?? Or is this what you call UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?

"Banat" for Filipinos :))

Electro Indie is the the Sh^t!!

I am really into Her Space Holiday! Marc Bianchi (monikers include xoxo, panda and the new kid revival) is a genius!

"I am the ultimate, mega, super duper, hands down, all superlatives, no holds barred Her Space Holiday fan".

(Quote modified. Taken from a short indie film entitled "A Date with Jao Mapa")

The lyrics in Marc Bianchi's songs are not as ordinary as you think. For instance, the song A Match Made in Texas is about having no definite lines in sexuality. I can relate to the guy in the Japanese Gum song and the female he was referring to in Something to Do with My Hands. Often, Bianchi's lyrics are about infidelity, sinful desires and being the abuser and the victim all at the same time. I really can't understand why I like him so much even if his lyrics are a bit so truthful and disturbing. Maybe it's about the catchy tunes, the relaxing sound of his voice or because he captures a lot of emotons and memories in each song. He is truly an exceptional artist.

(photo from http://www.somuchsilence.com)

Below are some of my favorite Her Space Holiday songs:

1. Japanese Gum
2. A Match Made in Texas
3. Something to Do with My Hands
4. The New Kid Revival Opener

(Click on the Icon to listen)

Japanese Gum Lyrics

I used to know this girl
Who gave her love away
To every guy she met
And with all the games they played
She never seemed to cry
She never got upset
And one by one they came
And one by one they left
I thought that I could fix her
If she would let me in
But all of my advances
Were shut down in the end
When days turned into months
I begged her to explain
And this is what she sang

It's not like I'm a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me
Until there's nothing left to hold
Until there's nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself

I used to know this boy
Who took notes in a book
But he ripped out all the pages
Before I got a look
At all the words he scribbled
At all the lines he filled
But the ink stains on his fingers
Told me he was skilled
At capturing a feeling
That most of us just miss
The simple pain of living
With goodbyes on our lips
I found one of the pages
Crumpled by her bed
And this is how it read

It's not like I am weak
Or that I don't know how to leave
It's just that every time you cheat
You bring me closer to defeat

Until there's nothing left to love
Until there's nothing left to say
I know that you need help
But even I can't save you from yourself

A Match Made in Texas Lyrics

He's towing the line
He's gendered defined
It's the magic of america
We're always so american

The truth of it is
That he just wants to kiss
That boy that she's talking to
The one that seems to own the room

The way that he dances
The touch of his hands
And the unapologetic way his tiny clothes stick to his frame

With blood alcohol and the drugs in the stall
He feels like he's getting weak
He grabs his coat and starts to leave
With one look back he accepts the fact

It's the magic of america
We're always so american

She's towing the line
She's gendered defined
It's the magic of america
We're always so american

If she had her way
She would know what to say
To that girl that comes into her store
By herself but not alone

It's her confident charm
And the curve of her arms
That tightly bends her circuitry
Into a twisted mess of interesting

The girl's outside
And she offers a ride
But she says i think i'll take my bike
It is such a lovely night

With one look back
She accepts the fact
It's the magic of america
We're always so american

By some off chance
They both crossed paths
And found a certain ratio
That pleased them both and made them whole

He likes wearing her clothes
She likes watching him dress
And through all this back and forth
Grew a certain innocence

He's not a boy
And she's not a girl
Just two individuals
Who made their place inside this world

They're destroying the line
T's gender refined
It's the battle for america
Both of them american

Something to Do with My Hands

You know it kills me to see such a pretty girl so tired
You've got your mother's cheekbones and your father's crooked smile
Forget all those places that you've never really been
And all those situations you somehow found yourself in
Let your body sink into me
Like your favorite memory
Like a line of poetry
Or a fucking fit of honesty
I'll do my best to keep you, keep you sleepy as the south
With my old watch on your wrist
And my thumbs inside your mouth
Suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints
So your boyfriend has no clue
Of how much I've been touching you

My problem with me is my problem with you
It doesn't take much
For me to come unglued
I put my headphones on
And hear your favorite songs
And it kills me to know
That this won't be one of them

You know it saves me to think even for a little while
I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on
Like in that movie theater when you whispered in my ear
I almost didn't make it
This has been my hardest year
Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could
So now you're giving up like they always said you would
You've got that old map out now and you found the farthest town
You hope that if you're lucky this is where you'll settle down

I don't care where you move I don't care if it's far
All that I ask is that I know where you are
In case our timing is right
In case you need more from me
Than a bit of advice
Or a tongue full of sympathy 

Click here for my recommended website of Her Space Holiday/Marc Bianchi's music reviews

Dreams, Thoughts, Imaginings

copyright - Lara Nadezda P. Melencio

DREAMS

Are dreams triggered by the subconscious? Are dreams somewhat a vision – a glimpse perhaps, of the future? Will it matter if we believe in dream analysis?

I had a dream about him. It wasn’t a nightmare though I expected it to be one. It’s as pathetic as the first and second despite the fact that I don’t really remember the second dream. I’ve been dreaming about him for three times now which is odd, impossible and weird.

I never felt more concerned, more bothered at the thought. Sure, a first dream would be weird but acceptable. Maybe my subconscious mind has troubles accepting that I can’t be with him for a long time – well, considering the odds, maybe forever. A second dream would be enough to let me think of him for a night or so. It can be merely a coincidence. But a third dream? Surely this is bizarre. He was my boyfriend. “WAS” would be the perfect word since he’s just an ex. “JUST” is a bit of an understatement though, but I never really amounted anything to him or it. Sometimes, I regard him as “it” whenever I think about all those cold bloody things he’d ever done to me. Well, I’ve done my share of cruelty but he broke my heart which is of course, unforgivable. I wish I could say I also broke his heart. How could I break a heart if, from the very start, it was already broken? How can I add injury to a bitter, self-centered, pathetic loser he is? I am being bitter. I learned that from him.

He was, is and will be a vampire for me, sucking the life out of me. I seemed like a dead person for months, even years and up to now, I haven’t gained full recovery of what he did to me. I was as lifeless as any corpse in the planet. I was a zombie with just one exception – I can cry.

I feel like a silly little kid who believes in the power of dreams. It’s not the type of dreams we encounter at night. It’s more of a goal, aspiration in life and a happy ending like in a fairy tale. I should know better than that. Dreams do come true when you do something about it but I doubt that. I have done all I can to make the relationship strong enough. It turned out; he’s much too strong enough to push me away.

He is also a wizard though he really fits in the word “witch” if he’d been a girl. Which is it, the wicked witch or the power-hungry wizard? I would take the latter. Possessing cunning skills and narcissism, he is both a vampire and a wizard for me. You may regard me as someone too bitter, morbid and angry but I am not. I’m too numb neither to feel anything nor to think of something dark and cruel about him. I’m only stating a fact from my own perspective. He can contradict me all he wants but I have all the powers here. This is my story.

When I first started this essay, story or whatever you can call it, I was bewildered as to why I would even bother to dream of a person like him. I wasn’t thinking of him. I wasn’t planning of thinking about him in the future either. Then, it hit me. He broke my heart thrice. So, dreaming about him thrice isn’t as bizarre as I thought I was. But had I predicted right?



MUDDY CLOTHES, BOYFRIEND, BRIDGE

The first dream is as clear as the sun to me. It was a good thing I had relayed this story to some of my friends. Too bad I just kept the second dream to myself. I can’t remember any of it but it’s just the same as the first and the third.