It's our 2nd anniversary BABE! Tinuloy ko pa rin to kasi ito yung inaabangan kasi talaga natin. We were supposed to go out of town and leave everything behind. We were supposed to have a week-long celebration.

This time, it's a celebration of tastes, memories, life and love. Ito yung mga pagkain na memorable sa kin, sa tin - mga hilig nating ibigay sa isa't isa. Kahit you're not physically here to celebrate this day, at least I got to celebrate it with the people we love -friends and family.

Salamat sa lahat lahat BABE. Salamat sa pag aalaga sa akin, lalong lalo na pag may sakit ako. Salamat sa laging pagremind sa akin na mahal na mahal mo ko. Salamat sa mga ngiti at tawa mo na laging nagpapagaan ng loob ko. Salamat sa paghatid sa kin araw-araw papuntang school at sa pag attend ng activities ko sa school.Thank you for being there for me sa lahat ng oras, mapa-worst or best moments of my life. Thank you for always telling me I am beautiful whenever I needed a confidence boost. Thank you for believing in me and being my number1 fan in everything. Thank you for sharing all your hopes, dreams and worst fears to me. Thank you for being the ideal partner - my perfect boyfriend. Thank you for the unconditional love babe na hanggang sa huli ay pinakita at ipinadama mo sa kin. Thank you for the wonderful memories. Hinding hindi na yun maaalis sa isip, puso at kaluluwa ko. I will always look back at those memories dahil yun ang pinakamasaya ko. Being with you was as natural as breathing.

Kulang ang space dito kung ieenumerate ko lahat ng namimiss ko. Yung malaki mong tyan na favorite kong gawing unan, yung paghilik mo ng malakas na minsan parang nananakot, yung nagsasalita ka habang tulog, yung ichura mo pag nagtatampo, yung reaksyon ng mukha mo pag hindi ako nakapag "I love you too" agad, yung mga yakap mo pag sobrang down na down ako, encouraging words mo pag naaasar ako sa buhay, pagtulong mo sa mga video and powerpoint presentations ko, yung pagsugod mo sa bahay at iniiwan lahat ng ginagawa mo pag naaaksidente ako, yung maya't mayang text mo habang nagkaklase ako, yung paghele mo sakin para makatulog, yung pag sinabi mong "hindi pwede" at alam ko talagang hindi talaga pwede, yung pagkanta mo nung song natin at random moments and so much more.

Parang naputulan ako ng mga paa nung nawala ka. Lahat ng plano at pangarap na tayong dalawa ang nagbuo bigla bigla na lang nawala. Kung gaano kabilis kang ibinigay sa kin, ganun din kabilis kinuha. Oo nahihirapan pa rin ako. Masakit pa rin isipin na hindi na kita makikita ulit, na hindi na tayo tatandang magkasama. Hindi naman madaling maiwanan. Hindi naman madaling mag move on lalo na kung alam naman natin na hindi mo rin ako ginustong iwan.

Gaya nga ng pinost ko noon sa fb, "you are my inspiration in everything I was, I am and will be." you will always have a special place in my heart BABE. Hinding hindi kita malilimutan. You taught me a lot things. You made me a better person. You became my light when everything seemed to be so dark. You were my rock. Itong mga bagay na to alam kong once in a lifetime ko lang mararanasan and I'm so grateful that I got to share these with you.

Hindi ko niroromanticize ang love story natin. Ikaw na ikaw talaga yan BABE. Mahirap man paniwalaan na may taong ganito, eh ganito ka eh - ikaw 'to. Hindi man ako showy at affectionate na girlfriend, sana naramdaman mo kung gaano kita kamahal in my own little ways. Sana naramdaman mo how grateful I was to have had you in my life. I was the luckiest person to experience such true love that will last a lifetime. Na kahit sa sandaling panahon lang, we were happy.

Click Here for More Photos

Letter to Montague

My Montague,

Let's just say that I always see the good in people -- that tiny speck of goodness left in their hearts.

A lot of people think I'm crazy. A lot of people perceive me as a little girl, trying to save those who are not worth saving, but I didn't care. But what did you repay me? A little kindness but a ton of shit.

You are the reason why I lost all hope in mankind. You are the living proof that there really is no room for change. In Tagalog , "Ganyan ka na lang". No matter how hard I help you, if you are not willing to do this for yourself, you will be forever stuck in that bunch of crap you have created. I've had enough of your inconsistencies. You are the exception, I cannot fight for you anymore.

Sometimes, quiting, surrendering, losing faith in someone may not be the best decision but it is the right thing to do.

You're on your own. I wish you the best.

Capulet

Nadezhda, Nadezda... Krupskaya, Melencio...

There is no such thing as duty. If you know that a thing is right, you want to do it. If you don't want to do it—it isn't right. If it's right and you don't want to do it—you don't know what right is and you're not a man.

Chapter 6 of Ayn Rand's We The Living

I just remembered my Philosophy of Man class.

My professor once asked me, "What is the difference between man and being?"

I forgot what I answered. At that time though, it was the right one but if you ask me now, I don't know if I'll answer based on knowledge alone or from experience. Bah! What am I talking about?

Let's get back to the topic, so... Ayn Rand is right. If you know it's right, then do it! If you know it's wrong, why would you do it anyway? On the other hand, if it is right and you still don't want to do it, you have a problem buddy!

Ayn Rand

Boris Pasternak

Leo Tolstoy, etc etc. 
I love Russian novelists! <3

Of course, there are other Russian personalities that I also admire such as 

Vladimir Lenin

 and wife Nadezhda Kruskaya. (Yes, my name Lara Nadezda is derived from Nadezhda herself)

Wow, I am deeply inclined with Russian literature and Russian history. No wonder I want to take up European Studies next year. :)

My greatest dream? To win either a Nobel Peace Prize or a Pulitzer Prize. Any will do but I'd be as happy as hell if I get both. Wait, can a non-American win a Pulitzer?

Then she came, The Psycho Bitch...

My best friend visited me last night. We haven't seen each other in a while now and we had a nice long talk over coke (I mean soda) and cigarettes. We talked about virtually anything from love, life, stoners, junkies and psychos. The list goes on and on. Then, I got to watch this creepy, disturbing, violent film called "The Loved Ones" which is about a psycho bitch and a twisted father. It was a weird night, I tell you. Of course, we gave a bit of advice to each other. We really needed time to think about our lives, our choices and stuff. 

After a few jokes, music stuff and venting out, we talked about pseudo-relationships, which boils down to just one topic: commitment. Why are some people afraid of commitment? Why are some people afraid to take risks? Why do some people like to play it safe?

You see, the real essence of loving a person is committing yourself wholeheartedly. No pretensions and complicated stuff. The main point is to take risks. To experience life together. To laugh, to cry, to hate and to laugh again. That's the way love is.

The presence of commitment phobes are the ones who created these psycho bitches. So when your girlfriend turns psycho over you, you're really the one to blame. I think, women are more superior and more talented than men that's why they tend to adapt, to cope. 

Montague, I'm not sure if I can still be your Capulet...

To Commit or Not To Commit?

To Commit or Not To Commit? This question had been lingering my mind now for days. Commitment can be a lot of things. What kind of commitment am I talking about anyway? It can be about work, about having a stable job, about God, about love, about someone special in your life right now. Whether they are about any of these things, the question still remains... "To Commit or Not To Commit"?


I read a book entitled The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. One of my favorite lines there was the distinction between "Freedom from and Freedom to."  According to the book, during the days of anarchy, we are rewarded with "Freedom to"... freedom to love, freedom to hate, freedom to oppress and the like. But with the advent of the new government and religion (You should read the book. It's great!), the people had been rewarded with "Freedom from"... freedom from love, freedom from hate, freedom from oppression and the like. So which is better? Freedom from or Freedom to? I would choose the latter.


Back to the commitment thing. When is the right time to commit yourself? When is the right time not to commit? How can you choose whether to commit or not? Who gets to choose? I'll answer the last question, "I do --- and you do too".


Lots of thoughts, more ideas.

No matter what this leads, I'll always be your Capulet.., my Montague...