Why the First Song on my Playlist is Vincent (Starry Starry Night)

HARANA - A Filipino term for "serenade".

In Filipino culture, harana is considered one of the best tactics in courting a girl. If you are an eligible bachelor who knows how to play the guitar and with a good voice, you can easily make HARANA without any complications.

Me and my late boyfriend, Ricky, both love Van Gogh. We are both fascinated by how artistic Vincent Wilhelm Van Gogh is and we are both aware of the tragedies and difficulties in life that he underwent. I have posted in my facebook "about me" section that "If you LOVE VAN GOGH, then I LOVE YOU". It just so happened that Ricky also loved Van Gogh (talk about soul mates and common interests).

To cut the story short, Ricky just knows how to play the guitar and he has this amazing voice. He always used to serenade me with the song Vincent and it was the best version I've ever heard. I even recorded a video of him playing the song but my memory card got corrupted. I never had the chance to record it again but even so, the memory is still as vivid as ever.

I miss him so much. I miss the butterflies in my stomach, heart-pumping feelings (like my heart wants to get out of my chest) and the "kilig" moments.

1st VideoBlog. Please follow, rate, comment, share or anything!

Coping with Grief and Recovery Process from Lai on Vimeo.

TYPO and MENTAL error: CRITIQUE=CRITIC

Last Post for The Month

I am still not ready for school! My mind, body and soul is still in the volunteering/humanitarian work mode. I am clearly not ready for long hours at school and a bunch of homework. But of course, I have to.

Enrollment's next week and classes start on June 8. I still have to figure out a way to keep the balance between school, work, social life and my love life. These 4 aspects of life are really tricky. Favoring just one aspect might cause all the others to tremble and fall down. 

On a lighter note, today is me and my boyfriend's 14th monthsary. Yes, we're 14 months now. No celebrations, fancy dinners or even a walk in the park today. Just a day of rest, simple food and each other's company would suffice. Having each other is what really matters right?

I have run out of things to say, my creative mind is on a sabbatical. I haven't had enough sleep since I started this volunteering/humanitarian work thing last month. Creativity takes a lot of time and a lot of rest, I assure you. I'll get back to you guys after a few weeks of rest.

You can all suggest topics if you like. Just comment, tweet or email me about anything under the sun.

I will always buy an MSI product

I am so excited to share that I finally have a mini laptop and I'm using it right now. It's only a day old and I'm still not used to small everything including a keyboard without a stand-alone numpad.

I have an old MSI laptop, 15" EX600 which is 3 years old now but still works perfectly. I just need a mini one because I can't carry the big one at school. It's just too heavy for me and I have back problems so I prefer to use a more portable laptop.

This new one that I'm using, the MSI U230 light still has a big screen (slightly bigger than most netbooks) , 11.6 " but very lightweight. It fits perfectly on my shoulder bag.

The reason why I love MSI laptops is because of their performance and durability. As we all know, MSI laptops are for gaming so you have good graphics and impressive built-in speakers. I've been using an ASUS laptop (I forgot the model) at work and I tell you, the sound really sucks.

The only problem so far with MSI products is their battery lifespan. My old laptop can now only hold for like 10mins without the charger. Nonetheless, I am now well aware of removing the battery and just plugging the charger if I need to use it for an extended period of time. I am confident that the battery will still hold the charge even after a year or so.

Here it is, my prized possessions. I simply cannot live without a computer (partly because I need it for my job and for school stuff).

Since I have been a loyal customer and fan of MSI products, do you think I can win a free 6-cell battery for my EX600? Haha. Just a thought.

Surprised!

My boyfriend made a slideshow video of us on Youtube.

 

It was really really sweet. I love you babe! No words can ever express how much I feel for you!

Thank you for this wonderful video.

Isn't this the sweetest thing a guy could do for a girl? 

So busy with school projects. (Yes, yes, I am now a school girl again) I have to finish a 40-page essay today. This is completely exhausting. Anyway, here are some pictures for you guys so that you went get bored in visiting my site:
These was taken last week (March 3). This is my final exam for my P.E. 2 class. We reenacted the Kadayawan Festival - which is a festival in Mindanao and to further explain this: CLICK ME.

Haha, are you guys able to see me? I will post a short video of the performance. Sadly, we just won 2nd place but it was a fun and exhausting experience.

What Are You Waiting For?

I miss partying, INDIE STYLE. I haven't gone to a "drink till you turn purple and die to live again" kind of party for the longest time. It feels like ages ago...

Now, all I see, hear and feel are  butterflies, rainbows, flowers and lots of sunshine... Hey, I'm not complaining! It's just that when you start to neglect something, you tend to miss it..








Can I have both? Love and partying? <3

122 days of Love and still counting...

A major No-No in every blog, account or whatsoever in the Internet would be never as in never post a photo of you and your significant other. For what reason? Well, duh. It is in order to avoid painful memories and tiresome "deleting acts" when you break up. 

I have had a lot of exes ever since I started this blog and I have just posted just one opposite sex here and since it's our 4th monthsary (yey.), I will post this picture.

Why am I doing this? Because I am optimistic about this relationship. I know this will be forever. I am willing to take the risk. This is the true essence of love, is it not?

I LOVE YOU RICKY BALDEZAR DE ASIS.

Typhoon Falcon

Typhoons and floods has devastated Metro-manila twice in a span of 2 years. I am deeply enraged by how indifferent and ignorant I was about these occurrences in the last 2 years. First off, there's typhoon Ondoy which claimed many lives. I will never forget that day..

I was drunk from partying the night before calamity struck. I slept through the whole ordeal. I mean, how pathetic and indifferent am I? I was awoken by my mother at around 6 in the evening (the floods came shortly after 1pm) and she brought me the bad news. I was completely disappointed with myself. Me, of all people would've known this first especially since a lot of my friends live in Marikina (Provident Village), which is, as you all know, the first place to suffer from the wrath of Typhoon Ondoy. After the incident, I planned to go to relief operations from different organizations but due to complications (differences in ideology between my parents' beliefs between organizations), I wasn't able to do anything but rant this frustration on my blog.

Then, this! Typhon Falcon. This storm has devastated Marikina and the entire metro yet again. I remain indifferent after 2 years. Is this my nature? I have been hibernating in my room since the storm began. It was just utter disappointment. The next day, (June 25) my father called, he asked us to help with the repacking of relief goods to give out in an evacuation center along Marikina. This was the time that I needed. Time to help in my own little way. Luckily my Montague is there and is willing to help....

This is a soft-snap photo of the relief goods. They are on their way to go to an evacuation center in F. Castillo St., Marikina City. We didn't go there. We just stayed within the PLM (Partido Lakas ng Masa) premises.

A somewhat artistic shot of my Montague and of me smoking. These are not the entire relief goods. The pictures came in after. We were pre-occupied people! I will get the pictures from the repacking somehow. A BMP/ PLM person shot a couple of pictures there.

My Montague doesn't like pictures. He's always moving!

There you go. All sweats for the sake of helping. It really feels good and nice :).











We know what we did was only a small part compared to what others have done. We would like to know your story. Come share us your Ondoy/Falcon or any other Typhoon/Calamity story. Comment if you must and share your blog links.

Thank you for helping my Montague.
Love and will always love you, your Capulet.

Let's Go, Let's VOTE.

The first blog entry for this month. Hmm. Let's see...

Of course, I know you guys missed me, so let's make my comeback a bit, spicier, a bit mature, a bit serious...

My mom's long term boss, friend and comrade and Executive Director of a Non-Government Organization (SM ZOTO) Butch Ablir sent me this link on Facebook: www.apecdoc.org/photocontest

What is SM ZOTO?

- SM ZOTO is a Philippine NGO that stands for "Samahan ng Mamamayan Zone One Tondo Organization". It is a people's organization composed of more than 600 local urban poor organizations and is working within 28 urban poor communities throughout Metro-manila. Please click this link for more info: http://www.smzoto.org.ph/

What does SM ZOTO do?

- SM ZOTO offers a lot of programs to fight against poverty with the help of its European funders. They have a long list of programs such as microfinancing, youth and young people's programs, primary health care and integrated reproductive health,  gender equity, sustainability as well as training and organizing. 

What is this link all about?  www.apecdoc.org/photocontest

-This is an online photo contest wherein people from around the world submitted pictures. The theme of the contest is to see the importance of computers and technology in communities throughout the world. Please vote for entries in the Philippines. So, mga kababayan, iboto natin ang kapwa natin Pilipino sa paligsahan na ito. This will be a big help to ZOTO and all the individuals who have participated. This will bring prestige and pride to us Filipinos. 

Fellow readers, feel free to vote. Please register to apecdoc.org first before you can vote. This is very important to SM ZOTO and the Filipino contestants. I would really appreciate it. 

European and American readers, we value your support. 

I will still continue to blog about fashion, literature and music in the future. In the meantime, please vote! Let's do this!

HALLOWEEN, COME SOON SO I CAN PLAY DRESS-UP ONCE MORE.

Last year's Halloween Party and Meiday Event at (where else?) CubaoX.
I had 3 options.
1. Dress-up as a deranged prom girl
2. Be all girly girly with a Fairy/Diwata costume; or
3. Destroy your old nursing uniform and be a hot nurse/ rape victim.

Ta-da!

Time for Drastic Measures

Alright, I miss you. There.. I said it! I miss playing my violin. Even if I'm no good, I still miss you..


I watched a real good violin and piano cover of Mr. Brightside on Youtube and regrets sank in. If I would've practiced everyday for the last 2 years, I would've been extremely good in playing the violin. Oh well. There's still hope. I promise to practice everyday and to take lessons starting next week. I'll be updating you guys of my progress via this blog, twitter or facebook (whichever goes first).


I have to go home and get my violin. Ta-ta. 


Oh, by the way, here's the link for the Mr. Brightside piano and violin cover CLICK ME PLEASE YOU SWEET LITTLE CREATURE OF THE LORD


This is a snapshot of my pretty little babe, my violin. Along with my other babe, Marlboro Lights. 

Did You Guys Miss Me?

Well, did you? Did you?
Crazy times. God, I never thought I'd write in this blog again. I missed you guys, from the very bottom of my lonely but happy heart. Here's a treat for you guys, I was in the training room last night (Oh, I have a new job by th way as a "trusted adviser"/ customer care rep. *Clap clap!*) and had a lot of free time. I read a story about Marilyn Manson's plans to do his interpretation of Lewis Carroll (The eccentric mind behind Alice and Wonderland).

Before I start and share this disturbing yet artistic video, I would like to share to you a few personal info. First and foremost, I am a Marilyn Manson fan. I love his individuality and over-the-top theatrics. Over time, this liking for drifted far far away due to reasons that are many to think of. One is because I am getting a bit old and sick of his theatrics and second, because he tends to overdo things (meaning it eventually lacks class and taste). Forgive my grammar or basically the entire way of writing. I have been a scatterbrain lately and you all have to understand that I just got home from a graveyard shift and I am really really as in totally sleeeeeeppppyyy. Anyway, back to the topic, as you see. I became interested once more in Marilyn Manson. It is true that this movie is a bit disturbing but on the bright side, you will definitely see Manson's artistry. He is truly a hell of an artist.

Be warned: This video is not for the faint of heart or even for the conservatives.

Enough of the "blah blahs"... Here's the video guys, HOPE YA ALL LIKE IT.

Oh, I forgot to mention, this movie was cancelled in production due to explicit content. WATCH WITH YOUR OWN RISK.

--Loving You Guys Eternally, Five Times Over,
LAI

*Let's watch the preview first:
Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll PREVIEW
(embedding was disabled, zarreeeyyy. :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeixzZTt92o

Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll Trailer

Letter to Montague

My Montague,

Let's just say that I always see the good in people -- that tiny speck of goodness left in their hearts.

A lot of people think I'm crazy. A lot of people perceive me as a little girl, trying to save those who are not worth saving, but I didn't care. But what did you repay me? A little kindness but a ton of shit.

You are the reason why I lost all hope in mankind. You are the living proof that there really is no room for change. In Tagalog , "Ganyan ka na lang". No matter how hard I help you, if you are not willing to do this for yourself, you will be forever stuck in that bunch of crap you have created. I've had enough of your inconsistencies. You are the exception, I cannot fight for you anymore.

Sometimes, quiting, surrendering, losing faith in someone may not be the best decision but it is the right thing to do.

You're on your own. I wish you the best.

Capulet

Sylvia Plath's - Poppies in October

This is perhaps one of the most beautiful Plath poems I've ever read. You can easily connect to her writing. Oh how I love Sylvia Plath.

Even the sun-clouds this morning cannot manage such skirts.

Nor the woman in the ambulance

Whose red heart blooms through her coat so astoundingly ----A gift, a love gift

Utterly unasked for

By a skyPalely and flamily

Igniting its carbon monoxides, by eyes

Dulled to a halt under bowlers.O my God, what am I

That these late mouths should cry open

In a forest of frost, in a dawn of cornflowers.

Excuse me, Montague.. It's Plath's reign once again.

Nadezhda, Nadezda... Krupskaya, Melencio...

There is no such thing as duty. If you know that a thing is right, you want to do it. If you don't want to do it—it isn't right. If it's right and you don't want to do it—you don't know what right is and you're not a man.

Chapter 6 of Ayn Rand's We The Living

I just remembered my Philosophy of Man class.

My professor once asked me, "What is the difference between man and being?"

I forgot what I answered. At that time though, it was the right one but if you ask me now, I don't know if I'll answer based on knowledge alone or from experience. Bah! What am I talking about?

Let's get back to the topic, so... Ayn Rand is right. If you know it's right, then do it! If you know it's wrong, why would you do it anyway? On the other hand, if it is right and you still don't want to do it, you have a problem buddy!

Ayn Rand

Boris Pasternak

Leo Tolstoy, etc etc. 
I love Russian novelists! <3

Of course, there are other Russian personalities that I also admire such as 

Vladimir Lenin

 and wife Nadezhda Kruskaya. (Yes, my name Lara Nadezda is derived from Nadezhda herself)

Wow, I am deeply inclined with Russian literature and Russian history. No wonder I want to take up European Studies next year. :)

My greatest dream? To win either a Nobel Peace Prize or a Pulitzer Prize. Any will do but I'd be as happy as hell if I get both. Wait, can a non-American win a Pulitzer?

I have seen "BITTER" days... and Nights!

Reps to all the people I saw last night at Cubao X! The crowd never ceases to amaze me.. There's always something in Cubao X that will surprise you. Well, then again, it just might be the people, the conversation, the events or the alcohol.

Last night was a different story. Since, this blog was really made for unrequited love and star-crossed lovers, there ought to be just a tiny inch of negativity. Okay, so it was a bitter night -- far much bitter than the rest. I am trying to write this amidst the hangover so please forgive the scattered thoughts. Anyway, I am depressed --- BIGTIME and I don't know why. This actually sucks the life out of me. Is this maturity calling? Is it my heart bleeding? Bah! I don't really know.

Despite the fact that I am kind of "over the edge" right now, I am not bitter. At least that's the one thing I know I am not. See, my friends and I had a long chat about bitterness, about their exes and stuff. The result --- it feeds on my depression.

For all those BITTER sour-grapes out there, you have to.....

10 Things. Just 10 Things.

I need a boyfriend. Want to apply? Please send your CVs to laranadezdamelencio@gmail.com..

Requirements:

1. Pleasing personality.
2. Has to have any background in the field of arts (writing, painting, music, fashion, poetry or literature). Just one will do.
3. Preferably someone with long hair (okay so long-haired guys are my weakness but it doesn't really matter. It's just a plus factor)
4. Someone who is not a commitment phobe.
5. Doesn't like complications.
6. Preferably someone who doesn't have any vices like smoking, drinking, drugs, etc.
7. Only drinks occasionally.
8. Can be a smoker but definitely not an alcoholic.
9. Shares the same passion about helping people.
10. Someone who is consistent.

See. I'm not so picky after all. :))

For those of you who think this is not a joke, you can send your CVs to laranadezdamelencio@gmail.com or you can text me. My number is at the top left portion of this blog.

For those of you who think this is a joke, well yeah I'm just doing this for fun but "Jokes are half meant anyway". Haha

>>I've got to find another Montague

Improvisation, What The?

So here we go again. Writing. Wow, I miss the days I miss writing. A bit weird eh?

Lets talk about improvement. Ok, so I'm now back. I've been working for more than a week now and it feels good. This is my own personal workplace... 

Let's see if I can remain sober for a few days. Let's see if I can just sit and relax at home for a couple of days.

Let's see if I can come up with improvements about stuff and shit. Let's see if I can still put up with his BS. 

This was taken before I was admitted at the hospital. Can you see the bruise?

This is the MRI results. See, it's negative. No blood clots or whatever.

In terms of health, I have improved a lot.

In terms of wealth, well I still need to work extra hard to keep the cash flowing.

In terms of personal stuff, it will be okay somehow. I hope. Haha

"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise.  The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."  ~Sylvia Plath

>> I've been waiting for months now, Montague...

Then she came, The Psycho Bitch...

My best friend visited me last night. We haven't seen each other in a while now and we had a nice long talk over coke (I mean soda) and cigarettes. We talked about virtually anything from love, life, stoners, junkies and psychos. The list goes on and on. Then, I got to watch this creepy, disturbing, violent film called "The Loved Ones" which is about a psycho bitch and a twisted father. It was a weird night, I tell you. Of course, we gave a bit of advice to each other. We really needed time to think about our lives, our choices and stuff. 

After a few jokes, music stuff and venting out, we talked about pseudo-relationships, which boils down to just one topic: commitment. Why are some people afraid of commitment? Why are some people afraid to take risks? Why do some people like to play it safe?

You see, the real essence of loving a person is committing yourself wholeheartedly. No pretensions and complicated stuff. The main point is to take risks. To experience life together. To laugh, to cry, to hate and to laugh again. That's the way love is.

The presence of commitment phobes are the ones who created these psycho bitches. So when your girlfriend turns psycho over you, you're really the one to blame. I think, women are more superior and more talented than men that's why they tend to adapt, to cope. 

Montague, I'm not sure if I can still be your Capulet...